Confessions

So the Bible encourages us to confess our sins not just to God but to fellow humans in an effort to be free from guilt and shame. Counterintuitive, perhaps, but it's really true. While I was pregnant, everyone warned me that becoming a mother is like treading water in a big guilt river; the minute that baby is breathing its own air, you start feeling guilty about something you are not doing or are doing or did once in 1993, and it never stops. I found this to be completely true. Madelyn ended up having to be born via C-section. I pushed for 4 hours and 15 minutes, but I still felt (feel) guilty that I didn't work harder to deliver her naturally without a sad little bruise on the top of her head (for days after her birth, I cried every time I saw that little bruise!). And that is just the beginning! In an effort to alleviate some of my neurotic parental guilt, therefore, consider this post my public confessional. The following admissions are not "sins," per se, but they certainly cause me to blush slightly when I think of them.

1. I allow my 6 month old to chew on bottles of medicine. She knows they're not toys, so they automatically hold more allure for her. And she likes the way the squeezy-top feels on her gums. A toy can occupy her attention for about 6 minutes when we're out and about. But a bottle of medicine will get me a good 15-20 minutes, sometimes longer. I at least make sure the top is screwed on very tightly, and I never leave her alone with them, so if any of my co-workers are reading this page, don't call the hotline!


2. I sometimes change her clothes in the middle of the day under the pretense that she's spit up on them or leaked out of her diaper when really I just want to put her in a different outfit. This doesn't make me feel guilty, necessarily, but it's kind of embarrassing. I do know that my daughter is not a doll...sort of...


3. I really really really want her to be an athlete. I never was (and that's putting it mildly), and I think it would be so fun to go to games and cheer her on in whatever sport she chooses. I will totally support her in whichever extracurricular activity she chooses, and I vow---PUBLICLY--to not become one of those psycho "live through your kids" parents who is constantly pushing and marketing and criticizing their 6 year old from the sidelines only to get kicked out of the little league game by the 17 year old ref. It's her life and her childhood and she can choose whatever she wants. As long as it's a sport :)


4. I worry that I love Madelyn too much. Or rather, that I am too emotionally caught up in her. I can barely make it through an 8 hour work day away from her let alone a night away or a weekend away (neither of which we've done yet). I can't even imagine sending her off to Kindergarten or being ok with the fact that one day, she's going to prefer her friends to her mommy (gulp). College? Marriage? Forget it. She's never leaving home. (Quick aside: My dad assures me that adolescence will take care of this issue completely. I try not to take that assessment personally :)

Well, that's all that comes to mind right now. I'm quite sure there will be others as time passes.