I'm not really into making New Year's resolutions, and yet I find myself secretly, privately doing just that every year. Most of the time, my resolutions are pretty traditional: get in shape, reduce my sugar intake, "don't sweat the small stuff," read through the entire Bible. Perhaps also traditionally, I'm only ever moderately successful with those resolutions, and they significantly peter out around the end of February (e.g. I know Genesis, Exodus, and Leviticus REALLY well but not so much anything that comes afterward).
This year I don't have a resolution, per se, but more of a (forgive the expression) "do I have the balls to go after what I really want" kind of decision. Not sure how I present on the outside to all of you, but on the inside, my mind is a flurry of whims and dreams. I see someone's beautiful garden and I think, yes! I want to be a landscape architect! I read a book about farming and I think, hurray! I'm going to milk cows and grow vegetables! I knit a pretty little sweater and I think, perfect! I'll open a knit shop and knit for the rest of my life! Even if I were a cat with the proverbial nine lives, they wouldn't be enough to pack in everything I want to do and experience and accomplish. Thank God I believe in eternity with a new heaven and a new earth -- there will be plenty of time to take care of all of those whims and dreams eventually.
Nevertheless, I'm still living this life here, and even with the promise of eternity, I do believe what we do in this earth matters. I think we are each gifted in a unique way and fulfilled in a unique way and that God delights in seeing us follow our hearts and our talents. The challenge for those of us idealistic dreamers is that we can imagine just about anything. At some point, we have to close our eyes, settle the flurry, and feel which dream pulls at our heart most persistently, most longingly, most excitedly. Not being in your 20's really helps this process. Good grief, I think most of us have Identity ADHD in our 20's, and I'm so glad to be (mostly) through that.
I know without a doubt which dream calls to me when my spirit is most still. (Well there are two, really, but one is more private for my family and does involve vegetables and fresh milk from a cow. That's another story for another time.) I can see it, smell it, hear it and even taste it, but it's like there is this thick piece of glass as far as my eye can see that prevents me from just jumping right into it, and for the life of me I don't know how to break it. I want to. I feel like I've paced anxiously in front of the glass like a caged bobcat at the zoo for years. Enough already.
So. That's my goal for 2012: shatter and embark.
No idea where to go from here.
This year I don't have a resolution, per se, but more of a (forgive the expression) "do I have the balls to go after what I really want" kind of decision. Not sure how I present on the outside to all of you, but on the inside, my mind is a flurry of whims and dreams. I see someone's beautiful garden and I think, yes! I want to be a landscape architect! I read a book about farming and I think, hurray! I'm going to milk cows and grow vegetables! I knit a pretty little sweater and I think, perfect! I'll open a knit shop and knit for the rest of my life! Even if I were a cat with the proverbial nine lives, they wouldn't be enough to pack in everything I want to do and experience and accomplish. Thank God I believe in eternity with a new heaven and a new earth -- there will be plenty of time to take care of all of those whims and dreams eventually.
Nevertheless, I'm still living this life here, and even with the promise of eternity, I do believe what we do in this earth matters. I think we are each gifted in a unique way and fulfilled in a unique way and that God delights in seeing us follow our hearts and our talents. The challenge for those of us idealistic dreamers is that we can imagine just about anything. At some point, we have to close our eyes, settle the flurry, and feel which dream pulls at our heart most persistently, most longingly, most excitedly. Not being in your 20's really helps this process. Good grief, I think most of us have Identity ADHD in our 20's, and I'm so glad to be (mostly) through that.
I know without a doubt which dream calls to me when my spirit is most still. (Well there are two, really, but one is more private for my family and does involve vegetables and fresh milk from a cow. That's another story for another time.) I can see it, smell it, hear it and even taste it, but it's like there is this thick piece of glass as far as my eye can see that prevents me from just jumping right into it, and for the life of me I don't know how to break it. I want to. I feel like I've paced anxiously in front of the glass like a caged bobcat at the zoo for years. Enough already.
So. That's my goal for 2012: shatter and embark.
No idea where to go from here.
4 comments:
always love your writing....hope you all are well and that some cracks start appearing in that glass...happy new year!
Love this post!! Thanks for sharing...and for inspiring :-) May you see dreams come to fruition this year!! xoxo
Shatter Shatter Shatter!! Go Kimberlee GO!!
:) when the time is right the glass will shatter! love you!
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