Came across this photo from the first day of school this year. Neglected to post it, but it's too stinkin' cute to not share, even if it is now October. My goodness, how I love those two faces.
I love them so much, as a matter of fact, that I have embarked on a somewhat unexpected journey these past several months. Some of you might remember a post I wrote at the beginning of the year entitled Shatter and Embark. My "New Year's Resolution" of sorts was to start down the path of a professional dream of mine that I've had for quite some time -- 5 years and 1 month, to be exact. Most of you know that I've worked in the child welfare field my entire professional career -- over 11 years now. I've always felt deeply passionate about making sure that every child is safe, cherished, and nurtured in her own home. As a caseworker in the child welfare system, it was my job to help parents do whatever needed to be done to regain custody of their children. I learned pretty quickly that 1) I had very little power and control in actually getting kids home and 2) the system is built more toward getting kids adopted than getting them home. I am absolutely pro-adoption. Adoption will always be a necessity in our society, and I've seen countless children bloom and find their first sense of belonging in their adoptive families. But being pro-adoption does not exclude being pro-reunification. 5 years and 1 month ago I learned first hand what research has been telling us for years: that children need their parents and are inextricably bonded to their parents from the moment they enter this world, no matter how terrible at parenting they might be. I knew that I would adore my children, but I was (and still am) awed at how much they adore me...and need me and are soothed by just my scent or my voice and look to me for security and direction and assurance and validation. Kurt and I are the center of their universe, and their love and devotion to us is utterly unconditional.
Every child deserves to have a fair shot to be raised (safely) by the center of their universe. The thing is, I don't think we give kids a fair shot much of the time. Certainly, there are acts for which parents should never get a second chance. But most of the time, the parents involved in the child welfare system experienced horrific trauma, abuse, and neglect in their own childhoods. They are simply parenting in the same way that was modeled for them. We need to help their kids by providing them a new model. Ideally, there would be foster homes for entire families, not just children alone. But seeing as how even I don't particularly want to sign up for that job, I can hardly expect others to want to either. The next best thing, then, is to create a "home" for parents and children in which to practice being a safe, nurturing parent with all kinds of support, guidance, and encouragement wrapped around them.
Hence The Family Room.
I won't go into the details of how The Family Room came to be or where we've been thus far. For those interested in some of those details, you are welcome to check out our website at www.familyroomoregon.org. Currently, we are fundraising. I hate it. Was that too honest? Well, I don't have the energy these days for anything but raw honesty, so there you have it. I want to do this work; I never wanted to start a business. I do not have a business brain nor am I interested in anything having to do with running a business. But I know this model of intervention works, and there isn't anything like it in Portland. And I look at my own two darlings' faces every day and see a thousand other small faces that are just as deserving as they are. So. The only two options were 1) adopt them all myself or 2) teach their parents to be the kind of parents they deserve. I went with the latter (and probably saved my marriage at the same time).
I am exhausted. But I'm also thrilled and honored and humbled and hopeful to finally be on this path. I suspect we have a long road ahead of us. There was a $150,000 carrot dangled in front of us about a month ago that we just found out will likely not come our way. Disappointing for sure. But my business partner, Kim, and I are determined and passionate -- a powerful combination. We are putting all of our efforts into getting in front of foundations and other "angel" donors until our 501(c)(3) comes through and we can begin applying for grants. If we can get our doors open within the year, we will feel really good about that. We're both moms of young kiddos, and abandoning them to start a program to teach people how to parent well would be pretty hypocritical. So. Finding "balance" these days is often pretty challenging. For me, it means working through nearly every naptime and after every bedtime. But there have been many meetings for which I have had to leave my kiddos, and I won't lie: that is a really difficult, guilt-ridden thing for me to do. Madelyn asked me one time why I had so many meetings. Ouch. So, I told her about The Family Room and that I'm trying to help mommies and daddies be better parents. I hope my children always know that raising them is my priority and my great joy, but I also hope that one day, they will be proud of the only endeavor that was worthy of their mama choosing to be away from them.
Onward we go...
