Our Trio Becomes a Quartet

Well, this will very likely be the last post as a family of three, and while I feel increasing amounts of trepidation as the time gets closer, I COULD NOT be more ready to not be pregnant or more EXCITED to meet our little boy. This has been an incredibly challenging nine months for me (and therefore for Kurt and Madelyn as well). I am not good at being pregnant. Or bringing babies into this world, it seems. For someone who likes to be perfect at everything she tries, this does not sit well with me. I have felt so much anxiety and fear this whole pregnancy about how Henry's birth would go and ways I could control it and make it better that there hasn't been room in my heart to just be grateful for his tiny existence and excited to meet him and snuggle him. As my wise sister lovingly but bluntly pointed out, that's just not fair to him -- he deserves to enter this world to as much elated anticipation as his sister did. So that's what I've been focusing on these last few days, and thanks to many of your faithful prayers, I have made as much peace as there's going to be with how Henry will enter this world and am now simply buzzing with excitement that I get to meet him in just over one day.

Nevertheless, as all of you moms-of-two-or-more know, it's an emotionally complicated thing to welcome a second child into your family. I always find it fascinating and baffling when two seemingly mutually exclusive emotions exist in equal strength simultaneously, and this situation is no different. I am 100% thrilled to welcome a second child into our family and create a little sibling set, but I am also 100% terrified at how this child's presence will change the warm, familiar, loving little dynamic that is Mommy, Daddy, and Maddie. I confess that while I am absolutely certain that I already love little Henry, my loyalty is still with Madelyn; most of my fears about the weeks immediately following his birth involve making sure her emotional needs continue to be met. And yet everyone tells me that a mother's heart multiplies -- it never divides. I believe you. You are a wise lot of women. I look forward to laughing at myself and eating a hearty dose of my own words.

So, it is with a tumultuous brew of anticipation, love, fear, confidence, trust, excitement, and relief that I embark on this next chapter of our family's life. I can't wait to meet our little boy, and I can't wait to introduce him to all of you. I'm sure Kurt will keep you all well informed, as he did with Madelyn's birth, in the next few days. Thanks, as always, for joining us on our unfolding journey...