Well let's see. The last post I wrote was back in May. Nearly three months ago. That's the longest I've gone without posting since we started this blogging adventure, and, of course, I feel guilty about it. Sigh. I may never learn to just be gentle with myself.
After so long and such a fantastic summer, it would be fitting and appropriate to post a bunch of photos of all that we have done and update everyone on what the kids are up to and how we are preparing for our eldest to start Kindergarten and our youngest to start Preschool. I'll get to that one of these days.
Right now I need to vent. Like, rant and rave and hope to Heaven that this thing that is eating me from the inside out right now can get consumed and leave me be. More than anything else, writing is wholly and completely cathartic for me. I write and edit and rewrite and edit in my head all day long. But that doesn't fully do it for me. I have to actually see those words on a page and send it out into the universe. Release it.
So here it is:
I have officially had enough of being other people's punching bag. I accept that we are all a punching bag on occasion just as we are also all the one doing the punching on occasion. I just know that right now, this moment, I can't take any more punching. I feel so stretched and pulled as it is that to then get emotionally socked in the gut repeatedly at seemingly every turn for stuff that's all about someone else and not about me just feels plain icky and hurtful. My kids punch me all day long. Totally normal, I know, and in a somewhat twisted way I'm honored that I get to be the one person on this earth that they trust enough to keep loving them after repeated emotional abuse. I understand how the brain develops and I don't at all take it personally, but that certainly doesn't mean that it's not utterly exhausting to argue and negotiate and discipline all day long. But to then be emotionally junk-punched by fully developed brains who didn't come from my womb...well...I frankly just don't have the energy to keep taking it. Or to fight back. So I'm not totally sure where that leaves me.
I could say more. But it would be too specific and I would regret it later.
Deep breath. Turn the page.
Not at all related, I am reading a fantastic book right now called Love Wins by Rob Bell, who is the pastor of the church I used to attend in Grand Rapids, MI when I was in college. My dad has read it twice and highly recommends it, and I, too, think every person should read it regardless of whether they follow Jesus or not. It is rapidly changing my entire perspective on the nature of heaven and hell and the extent that our Creator loves us. Pick it up, and I would very much love to hear what you think if you do.
Ok, one photo. Here we are in Sunriver a couple of weeks ago. We're headed back next week for our annual friends trip and are very much looking forward to it.
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