Posting: Evidently on the Back-Burner

Wow, one post in the whole month of April, and it's already May 10 and this will be the first post this month. Wild. Things are still topsy-turvy over here, obviously. Kurt has been laid off for over three months, and I've been working full-time for just over two months. I think our naive selves really thought he would've had a job by now, so it feels pretty discouraging that we're still solidly in the middle of a lay off with no sign that it's going to turn around anytime soon. I'm not going to lie: I'm not a fan of this arrangement one bit. I am an idealist to the core and see the world always for what I think it should be. I have a very difficult time adjusting or accepting when anything (small or big) falls outside of "should," so these last few months of having to stretch and shift and bend and give up have been enormously challenging for me. Sometimes, I just don't get it. I know that's the lesson and I know I have to be obedient to it, but I don't have to like it. Still, I've seen God show up in some pretty cool ways in my life, and I am choosing to believe, despite my fears to the contrary, that somehow the end result of all of this will be healthier and more blessing-filled for our little family than all of my "shoulds" and ideals could've imagined. And certainly, there are millions of people in this world far worse off than the three of us even on our worst day, so you know...perspective is a humbling and completely necessary thing. Nevertheless, the waiting -- and anxiety -- continue...

Life has continued to go on, though, and children add such levity, thank God. Madelyn keeps us laughing, and we are continually amazed at her growth and development. (She also is directly responsible for the rise of both of our blood pressures, but I'll save those laments for another post. She is just two and a half, after all. She could hardly hold her head up high among her peers if she didn't give her parents some tale-worthy grief...) Here are a few of our favorite Maddiecakes moments in the last several weeks:

1. Even though she is unbelievably strong-willed and stubborn, she is such a sweet, tender-hearted little girl. Her feelings are easily hurt, and she is already able to read emotions on other people's faces and ask with genuine concern if "you is ok?" We have these little "sweet nothings" that we have said to her for months, and we are starting to hear them come back at us, which is just so cute. She'll say, "You know what I like? It's you!" and give us a totally unsolicited hug and/or kiss. Heart. Melting. (She does this with our parents, too, which is also so fabulous. This girl just LOVES her extended family. She talks about each of them -- even the Seattlites! -- every day and literally jumps up and down and squeals when she sees them. SO grateful that we live near family...)

2. With the coming of spring (hallelujah!) and some warmer weather, we are outside nearly every day -- rain or shine -- and it's been fun to see how much Maddie loves nature. She loves digging in the dirt and gets really excited when she finds a worm. She'll happily entertain herself for as long as we happen to be working outside, and I love the earthy, slightly sweaty way she smells when she comes back inside. We are in the middle of a major overhaul of our backyard (thanks to my brawny husband with unexpected time on his hands), so we'll keep you posted with photos when it's all said and done. If all goes as planned, we will have a little Olmsted Oasis in our backyard this summer to escape the heat, the city, and the busyness of life.

3. Madelyn is really into playing "baby" lately. Sometimes she's the baby and I have to mother her, and then sometimes I am the baby and she gets to mother me. I'm a fan because when she's the baby, she'll actually curl up in my lap and sit there for an extended period of time and my arms just love to hold that girl. The following picture is us pretending that she's a baby snuggling in the Moby. I thought for sure she'd want out right away, but she was quite content to stay in there and cuddle for awhile, just like she used to.

Well, that's all for now. I hope to post again before the end of May, but if not, see you in June. Thanks for understanding :)

Hike!

We took advantage of a quiet, slightly balmy spring morning this past Sunday to go for a hike. There's a trail in Forest Park off of Germantown road that we've been wanting to try, so we did. And it was great. Each time I enter a forest, it genuinely surprises me just how crisp and fresh the air is. And green! My goodness, spring in a forest is practically electric. Just gorgeous. We are so grateful to live in a part of the country where we can be fifteen minutes outside of a city and feel like we're in the middle of nowhere.

So Madelyn loved the trees and the flowers and the birds and all, but the mud was the true star. She kept looking at us like "Are you sure this is ok?" Stomp away, baby, stomp away. All rules are off in a forest :)

Such pretty little wildflowers.


Stunning little fiddle-head fern.


Love the scale of this photo.

Next to the mud, the slugs were Maddie's favorite part of hiking. The last half of the hike turned into a bonafide slug hunt. She would've touched them if I had let her, but sadly for Madelyn, that is one rule that still stands in the forest...


Our big girl hiker...

...who's still little enough to get tuckered out after 2.5 miles.

Gramma's Ring

So, you might remember that both of my grandmas passed away last fall -- my Gramma Johnson in September and my Grandma Bickley just three weeks later in October. For no particular reason at all, I've been missing both of them quite a bit lately. No one is quite as excited to see you or hear about your day like your grandma. My Gramma J. for sure was always such a good listener and a source of unconditional encouragement. Of course, I miss her and all that encompassed who she was, but I also miss the way I felt when I was with her: important; cherished; adored. We all need to feel like we're at the top of someone's list every now and then, and my Gramma made me feel that way every time I saw her. My Grandma B. had a faith unlike anyone I've ever known. While she was alive, I didn't really understand her, and I'm a bit ashamed to admit that I didn't seek to know her or ask her about why she believed the things that she did. For reasons that are too lengthy for this particular post, the last few months have been extremely spiritually challenging for me. I have a lot of questions and a lot of anxiety that I just know she could've helped me work through. I think we could've really bonded over that conversation, and I'm genuinely sad that we will not ever have that opportunity (although she left her Bible full of handwritten notes and passages that I would love to read through someday).

When my Gramma J. died, she left me her emerald ring. I feel so blessed and honored to be entrusted with this treasure; certainly, it has great monetary value, but more importantly, it holds great sentimental value for all of us who loved her because it was one of her favorite and most worn pieces of jewelry. She designed it sometime in the 80's with a jeweler here in Portland who has become a family friend throughout the years. I have dozens of specific memories of my Gramma wearing her emerald ring, and I can vividly recall what it looked like on her individual hand. I have always admired it, but it was quite a few sizes too big for my finger and looked a bit awkward on my hand. I would've happily gazed at it in my jewelry box every day, but it most likely would not have ever left my bedroom. My mom, however -- true to her creative and generous nature -- offered to take me to the same jeweler who designed the ring in the first place and have it redesigned with all of its original elements to suit my hand and my taste. Fabulous. Just fabulous. Given our current stage of life, it would've been 15 or 20 years before we could've justified such an expense. It is by no means a necessity, but I'm so grateful to my parents for continuously treating me to the "un-necessities" of life -- they are never lost on me. The completed ring was delivered to me today, and just look at how beautiful it is:

I am thrilled with it. My mom is thrilled with it. And I really think my Gramma would be thrilled with it, too. I love that this gold and these jewels encircled her finger for nearly 30 years. It's beautiful and sparkly, and I get all girly and giddy looking at it dance around on my hand, but I just love that it was hers...and I hope someday that my grand-daughter will feel it encircling her finger and smile at its beauty and feel the same way.

Snapshots

For the last two months, we've had a heck of a time with Madelyn at bedtime. She's never been a great sleeper, necessarily, but she at least was always able to fall asleep on her own relatively quickly. Since Kurt was laid off and things went all topsy-turvy on her, however, she's been laying awake in her crib -- talking, singing, scolding her stuffed animals -- for up to two hours every night. I'm sure this is just her way of processing everything that's been going on around here; we certainly don't feel like we act stressed around her, but children are quite perceptive. We wind her down with dim lighting and stories and have removed everything potentially distracting from her crib, but the little rascal finds ways of MacGyver-ing toys in there! I'm not sure what transpired with these tutus before she finally fell asleep, but this is how we found her just before we went to bed.

Kurt ran the Shamrock Run 15k a week ago and did an awesome job. He beat the time he was hoping for like it took no effort at all even though I'm confident that it did. Maddie and I went down to cheer him on and enjoy a beautiful spring morning, and she was so confused. We knew where he was going to be at approximately what time, but we ended up standing in the same place for about 20 minutes before he eventually ran by. She kept asking me, "Mommy, where are all these people running?" I told her they were just running for the sake of running which only seemed to confuse her more (I share her confusion, actually, which might explain my sub-par answer; while I certainly admire runners and get a jog in every now and then, running is not at all my exercise of choice). Then, despite our looking, we didn't even see Kurt approaching us. He saw us and yelled our names as he ran by, so we yelled "Yay Daddy! Go Daddy!" and then it was done. You can understand why she would have difficulty understanding what all the fuss was about. Nevertheless, we all had a great time, and we're very proud of our runner-for-the-sake-of-running.

This photo (of Mimi and Maddie) was taken just yesterday at the opening of our local farmer's market. We LOVE our farmer's market and are so excited to once again get to visit it once a week. The one we frequent (at Esther Short Park in Vancouver) is just awesome. Tons of farmers, artists, street performers, and food carts right next to a gorgeous park with a huge playground and a water fountain -- a one-stop adventure for a Saturday morning. Yesterday, we met Mimi and Auntie Kari there and had a great time. We picked up some carrots and a few Pink Ladies and treated ourselves to a waffle. Delicious. So happy that spring is here. We joined a CSA this year, too, and get to pick up our first box this Tuesday afternoon, so we'll let you know how that goes. Happy Spring to each of you!

Monkeys and "Hippopopamuses"

Here are a couple of videos for you that show off two of our favorite sides of Madelyn's personality:

In choosing a "monkey" theme for her bedroom before she was born, we had no idea how accurately this animal would fit her personality. Madelyn is on the move all the time. She loves to run, jump, dance, skip, bounce, drum, tap, twirl, and wiggle. We try to keep her as active as possible because she will literally run laps around the living room (or just stay up talking and singing in her crib until 10:00) if we don't. We recently cleaned up the basement and put a rug down there and some of her louder, busier toys. It's been a life-saver for rainy, no-park days.

Madelyn has always loved the book But Not the Hippopotamus by Sandra Boynton. Lately, however, she likes to "read" along with us, and oh my goodness, it is the cutest thing ever. I LOVE the way she says "hippopotamus." Some day, when she actually says it correctly, we will be so sad. Also, about 3/4 into the book, listen for her to excitedly exclaim "It's the same!!" This is her new favorite phrase, and she says it the same way every time. She loves to find things that are the same (color, shape, size, etc.) and she is amazingly observant.

Sparse Posting

In case you wonder where we are in the next few weeks, this is what's going on:

Mr. Mom and The Sugarmama

Nevertheless, we have managed to take a few photos:

Riding a pony at our local indoor playpark where we go at least once per week. Love NoPo, baby :)

Madelyn is obsessed (truly) with window clings. These ones are from Auntie Kari. So cute!

Not really sure what's going on here, but the monkey seems to be riveted.

Reading to her friends in her crib one afternoon.

Madelyn finally got to legitimately use her umbrella. Banner day!

The Unexpected

Not sure how I haven't fully learned this lesson yet, but don't ever--not out loud or even in your head--say that life feels pretty manageable. If you do, set a place at your table for Murphy and his blasted Law, and be prepared for him to overstay his welcome. Kurt was laid off from his job at adidas three weeks ago. We certainly didn't see that coming, which, really, is a blessing. So. We've joined 11% of our fellow Americans and are hunkering down, thinning out the budget, and hoping for another job to come soon. Kurt really enjoyed being a part of the adidas community, and I know he's missing the good folks there. (I really miss the feta basil salad dressing at the adidas cafeteria. I've tried to re-create it. It's just not the same.) He's sticking true to his character, however, and is very optimistic and confident that another opportunity will soon come his way that will somehow be better for him and our family in the long run. If nothing else, it is always valuable and refreshing to be reminded of just how little we need to live happily, contentedly, and joyfully (feta basil dressing or no feta basil dressing).

Madelyn is totally confused as to why Daddy is suddenly around so much; she asks him most mornings if he's going to work as if she just needs to get her bearings for the day. We're making the most of it, though. The three of us have snuggled extra long in the mornings and enjoyed sunny afternoon walks and made the grocery store a family adventure. Every now and then, Maddie will look at us and exclaim, "You guys are not leaving!"

The photo above was taken just as we were headed out the door for a walk on a gorgeous, sunny, early-spring day. Portland has enjoyed beautiful weather the last week or so, which has pleased everyone except poor Madelyn. She has begged for her own umbrella for several weeks now, and I finally relented last Tuesday and bought her that darling pint-sized purplicious umbrella. Of course, the sun came out that afternoon and stuck around for the rest of the week. Wah wah. Only a native Portlander would complain about the absence of rain :) She finally just started carrying it even though it was sunny, hence the photo above (the fur collar is actually mine off of one of my jackets, but she looks quite chic sporting it, hey?).