10.19.2009
10.18.2009
Thoughts, Post Funeral
So, I traveled to Pocatello, ID this past weekend with Madelyn for my Grandma's funeral. Pocatello is not an easy place to get in and out of, and traveling with a toddler through a whirlwind weekend is never "fun," per se, but I am SO thankful that we went. I wrote in my last post that I didn't know my grandma very well. Growing up, we lived pretty far away from my dad's extended family, so we didn't really get a chance to know any of them well either. The few times I have gotten a chance to spend with them, however, I am reminded of what good, fun, warm people they are, and this past weekend was no exception. I thoroughly enjoyed my time with these relatives, but we all commented on how sad it was that Grandma wasn't with us given that she loved nothing more than seeing all of her loved ones in the same room, genuinely enjoying each other's company.
It was also bittersweet for me because hearing everyone's favorite stories about Grandma and all of the endearing (or sometimes idiosyncratic!) things they will miss about her opened my eyes to sides of her I never knew existed, or at the very least, sides of her that I had never given fair analysis. No one is perfect, and my grandma was no exception. But she was honest, committed, optimistic, loyal, fun!, feminine, and forgiving beyond measure. I was touched to hear people's comments about how she has impacted their lives, and I came away feeling like I could've related to her and understood her so much more if I had just known those things. Major life lesson: don't wait for a funeral to say--publicly--what you love and admire about someone. They need and deserve to hear it from you, but it might also impact the way someone else views them or relates to them.
Perhaps my favorite thing about this weekend was interacting with my grandpa and feeling hopeful about a renewed relationship with him. All I saw this weekend was a broken, hurting man who needs forgiveness and love just like the rest of us. He said "I love you" as we all walked out the door for the last time, and if I never hear it again from him, that will always stick with me. My dad invited him for Christmas this year, and I sincerely hope he comes. I can't help but wonder if Grandma's death will end up answering her own prayers to bring Grandpa closer to his children and grandchildren...
Anyway, it was a great weekend despite the sorrowful catalyst. Madelyn was so patient and flexible with the go-go-go on very little sleep, and her presence provided wonderful levity and a visual reminder that life always goes on. She really cozied up to her Great Aunt Sue, too, which was super cute. "Sue! Sit by Maddie!" "Where's Auntie Sue?" "Sue come to Maddie's house?" Nothing like the affection and laughter of a child to help you through a sad time.
I love you, Grandma. Thank you for quietly and faithfully loving me. I loved getting to know you better this weekend and sincerely wish we could've talked about a few more things. As my sister so beautifully said, "I would be honored to someday have someone tell me, 'You remind me so much of your Grandma...'" Shoe shopping will forever make me smile and think of you :)
It was also bittersweet for me because hearing everyone's favorite stories about Grandma and all of the endearing (or sometimes idiosyncratic!) things they will miss about her opened my eyes to sides of her I never knew existed, or at the very least, sides of her that I had never given fair analysis. No one is perfect, and my grandma was no exception. But she was honest, committed, optimistic, loyal, fun!, feminine, and forgiving beyond measure. I was touched to hear people's comments about how she has impacted their lives, and I came away feeling like I could've related to her and understood her so much more if I had just known those things. Major life lesson: don't wait for a funeral to say--publicly--what you love and admire about someone. They need and deserve to hear it from you, but it might also impact the way someone else views them or relates to them.
Perhaps my favorite thing about this weekend was interacting with my grandpa and feeling hopeful about a renewed relationship with him. All I saw this weekend was a broken, hurting man who needs forgiveness and love just like the rest of us. He said "I love you" as we all walked out the door for the last time, and if I never hear it again from him, that will always stick with me. My dad invited him for Christmas this year, and I sincerely hope he comes. I can't help but wonder if Grandma's death will end up answering her own prayers to bring Grandpa closer to his children and grandchildren...
Anyway, it was a great weekend despite the sorrowful catalyst. Madelyn was so patient and flexible with the go-go-go on very little sleep, and her presence provided wonderful levity and a visual reminder that life always goes on. She really cozied up to her Great Aunt Sue, too, which was super cute. "Sue! Sit by Maddie!" "Where's Auntie Sue?" "Sue come to Maddie's house?" Nothing like the affection and laughter of a child to help you through a sad time.
I love you, Grandma. Thank you for quietly and faithfully loving me. I loved getting to know you better this weekend and sincerely wish we could've talked about a few more things. As my sister so beautifully said, "I would be honored to someday have someone tell me, 'You remind me so much of your Grandma...'" Shoe shopping will forever make me smile and think of you :)
10.15.2009
Theresa Dyke Bickley
This past Tuesday, only 19 days after losing my Grandma Johnson, my Grandma Bickley also went home to be with Jesus. While my Grandma Johnson's death was expected and a relief given her long-suffering, my Grandma Bickley's death was so sudden and unexpected, it has genuinely shocked our family. She was sitting in her chair talking to her oldest daughter on the phone when she had a massive heart attack and died before my grandpa made it to her side, minutes later. She was only 79 years old and while she had some health complications, she was by all accounts nowhere near death. I'm not sure which is worse: to see a loved one suffer physically for an extended period of time or to have a loved one die so suddenly that you don't get to say a proper good-bye. Neither is easy.
For me, my Grandma Bickley's death has been a very different experience than my Grandma Johnson's. I emphasize that these are my feelings, and not everyone in my family likely feels the same. My Grandma B's life was filled with complicated relationships and circumstances. Regardless of how they occurred or were perpetuated, she was often in the position of having to choose the "lesser of two evils," so to speak. I can't imagine having to make some of the choices she had to make in her life, and while I've never felt that I really understood my grandma, I also genuinely empathize with how difficult it must've been to navigate her life. My grandma loved Jesus and sought His will in every minute detail of her life. She had stated repeatedly to numerous people that she just couldn't wait to get to heaven and meet her Lord, and as with my Grandma J, I am thrilled that she is Home, basking in the affection and affirmation of Christ. Her entrance into heaven was also greeted by her mother, daddy (who just adored her), a particularly special aunt (Tada), and her infant child, Timothy, whom she only had the pleasure of knowing for six hours before he died. Can you imagine how whole she must feel right now?
Sadly, I did not know my grandma well. Here are a few things, however, that I have always admired and loved about her:
1. As I stated earlier, Grandma always had one of the most dedicated and intimate relationships with Jesus. He was as real to her as any other breathing human being, and I have always wished I could experience the same kind of spiritual relationship. She was also a prayer warrior with a genuine God-given gift for intercession. I have known every day of my life that she was always praying specifically for me.
2. She was a lover of words and gifted with the English language. She loved to experience new things and write about them, but she could find beauty and something worth noting in even the most mundane, normal things of life. I, too, love words and love writing, and given that she loved to see her traits in her children and grandchildren, I think that made her happy.
3. Grandma was a master crocheter. She has been crocheting as long as I can remember, and the detail and complexity in her pieces has always genuinely impressed me. I have a stuffed turtle that she made for me decades ago as well as a beautiful afghan. She also crocheted a gorgeous baby blanket for Madelyn before she was even born that is even more precious now.
4. Grandma had a contagious laugh! It was definitely not a loud or boisterous laugh, but I think that's what made it so hilarious. When she really thought something was funny, it just kind of squeaked out of her, as though it was against her will. Her whole body would shake and sometimes she would start to tip over. One time, while watching Planes, Trains, and Automobiles at our house, she nearly fell off her chair one tiny giggle at a time. I especially love that my dad has this same laugh :)
5. She and Grandpa have always had some type of RV or camper. I always thought that was super cool as a kid. Beds and potties on wheels. What could be better than that?
6. She never forgot a birthday or any other special occasion. That takes organization and commitment.
For me, my Grandma Bickley's death has been a very different experience than my Grandma Johnson's. I emphasize that these are my feelings, and not everyone in my family likely feels the same. My Grandma B's life was filled with complicated relationships and circumstances. Regardless of how they occurred or were perpetuated, she was often in the position of having to choose the "lesser of two evils," so to speak. I can't imagine having to make some of the choices she had to make in her life, and while I've never felt that I really understood my grandma, I also genuinely empathize with how difficult it must've been to navigate her life. My grandma loved Jesus and sought His will in every minute detail of her life. She had stated repeatedly to numerous people that she just couldn't wait to get to heaven and meet her Lord, and as with my Grandma J, I am thrilled that she is Home, basking in the affection and affirmation of Christ. Her entrance into heaven was also greeted by her mother, daddy (who just adored her), a particularly special aunt (Tada), and her infant child, Timothy, whom she only had the pleasure of knowing for six hours before he died. Can you imagine how whole she must feel right now?
Sadly, I did not know my grandma well. Here are a few things, however, that I have always admired and loved about her:
1. As I stated earlier, Grandma always had one of the most dedicated and intimate relationships with Jesus. He was as real to her as any other breathing human being, and I have always wished I could experience the same kind of spiritual relationship. She was also a prayer warrior with a genuine God-given gift for intercession. I have known every day of my life that she was always praying specifically for me.
2. She was a lover of words and gifted with the English language. She loved to experience new things and write about them, but she could find beauty and something worth noting in even the most mundane, normal things of life. I, too, love words and love writing, and given that she loved to see her traits in her children and grandchildren, I think that made her happy.
3. Grandma was a master crocheter. She has been crocheting as long as I can remember, and the detail and complexity in her pieces has always genuinely impressed me. I have a stuffed turtle that she made for me decades ago as well as a beautiful afghan. She also crocheted a gorgeous baby blanket for Madelyn before she was even born that is even more precious now.
4. Grandma had a contagious laugh! It was definitely not a loud or boisterous laugh, but I think that's what made it so hilarious. When she really thought something was funny, it just kind of squeaked out of her, as though it was against her will. Her whole body would shake and sometimes she would start to tip over. One time, while watching Planes, Trains, and Automobiles at our house, she nearly fell off her chair one tiny giggle at a time. I especially love that my dad has this same laugh :)
5. She and Grandpa have always had some type of RV or camper. I always thought that was super cool as a kid. Beds and potties on wheels. What could be better than that?
6. She never forgot a birthday or any other special occasion. That takes organization and commitment.
10.10.2009
Touche, Mom
So my kid is smart...maybe the smartest kid on the planet. Ok, I know I know. This is most likely not true, but I'm her mother. I'm allowed to think these things and post them on my very own blog :) Seriously, though, it is amazing to watch a brain develop. I am amazed on a weekly basis at the things that Madelyn is observing, analyzing, deconstructing, and retaining. Here was this morning's conversation:
Maddie: "I need a banjo, Mommy."
Me (knowing she has never seen a banjo nor heard the word "banjo"): "You need your BeeBee? You need your ball now? You need a big girl?"
Maddie (looking slightly confused): "No, Mommy. I need a banjo."
Me (totally going to call her bluff): "Ok Maddie. What is a banjo?"
Maddie (after about 10 seconds of thought): "A banjo have-a strings and make-a music and use-a your fingers." BIG SMILE.
Me (mouth agape): " "
Kurt, who was doing the dishes in the kitchen, immediately turns the water off and comes rushing into the living room. He asked me if I've ever taught her what a banjo is to which I replied "You mean you haven't?" We just started laughing, and she's looking at us the whole time like "What is the big deal? All I wanted was a silly banjo..."
Anyway, this might not sound like such a big deal to any of you. I guess when it's your own kid and you are watching them learning new things all on their own, it feels pretty amazing. That and I genuinely like a good tune on a banjo, so if she wants to learn how to play, I can definitely support that :)
Maddie: "I need a banjo, Mommy."
Me (knowing she has never seen a banjo nor heard the word "banjo"): "You need your BeeBee? You need your ball now? You need a big girl?"
Maddie (looking slightly confused): "No, Mommy. I need a banjo."
Me (totally going to call her bluff): "Ok Maddie. What is a banjo?"
Maddie (after about 10 seconds of thought): "A banjo have-a strings and make-a music and use-a your fingers." BIG SMILE.
Me (mouth agape): " "
Kurt, who was doing the dishes in the kitchen, immediately turns the water off and comes rushing into the living room. He asked me if I've ever taught her what a banjo is to which I replied "You mean you haven't?" We just started laughing, and she's looking at us the whole time like "What is the big deal? All I wanted was a silly banjo..."
Anyway, this might not sound like such a big deal to any of you. I guess when it's your own kid and you are watching them learning new things all on their own, it feels pretty amazing. That and I genuinely like a good tune on a banjo, so if she wants to learn how to play, I can definitely support that :)
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